To morel or not to morel

A failure of a captain takes you on a journey through the woods to find success in unlikely places.

It’s that time of year again! A time of discovery, a time of personal growth, a time of foraging through the forest in failure for a golden nugget of a reward. This little ditty originally appeared on Wisconsin Life in 2022. Link to the full story and its audio companion below.

Welcome to Wisconsin’s premier morel hunting expedition. Is it your first time hunting with us? Wonderful! You’re sure to find success, just like I have, exactly twice since 2010. That’s when I began hunting these very woods myself. Yes, exactly twice. And no, I have not had any training whatsoever, but that’s what the internet is for, right?

There is a massive tract of wilderness in front of us. Hundreds of acres of trees, grasses, prairie, swamps and streams.

Somewhere in this box of green lie our golden treasures, the morel mushrooms, poking their obscene little noggins out from under the underbrush. And if we search long enough, we’ll find those elusive fleshy brains.

But neither of us have all day, do we? Out of this necessity, we’ll refine our search. Under a log, next to a fallen oak tree, a shady spot on a steeper grade where a few years ago, I had some luck myself. 

Pinpointing the few choicest spots is what you’re paying me good money for. And yet, you will note in the contract you signed that my flagrantly minimal morel hunting expertise does not guarantee success. 

But, what if we discover nothing? Then we have failed — and me spectacularly so as your guide and leader.

Yet, in that process, we will have achieved something else…